Trust

Dennis has his 2nd angioplasty tomorrow (all manner of prayers and good wishes gratefully accepted).  We want this to work so badly.  Living like this has been hell, both for him and me.  He says it doesn't bother him.  Bullshit.  Of course it does.  His heart is at stake (no pun intended).  Thank goodness I have the boss and co-workers I have.  They have been doing everything they can to cover for me.  Bless you Analytics group.

My husband will be going under the "angioplasty" with a wonderful doctor named David Jurkovich.  What a guy.  He actually listens to you.  Imagine.  A doctor who actually listens to his patient.  I am so impressed with this man.  Nothing forced or pushed.  Just easy, relaxed, wanting to help.  I like this guy.  A lot.  And so does Dennis.  We trust he will do well for us.  And I know he will.

Time

I haven't posted in a while.  While I haven't been gone, I haven't actually been burning to continue.  You see, I've started a journal and I try to add to it daily. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.  The time is what's not steady.  I wish I had a steady time to write to my journal, to write to this blog.  But I don't.  It's not that I don't want to.  Believe me, I do.  It's just that I can't seem to fit it in to what else is happening in my life at the moment.  It would be nice to say "From 1 to 2 I'll journal and from 3 to 4 I'll blog".  But no dice.  I have no control over my time.  What a joy that would be - to be able to control my time.  Oh well, maybe one day.

My Whopper

I got the callback yesterday and I'm still over the moon.  Who'd of thought I'd be this way?  So giddy?  And childish ?  Yep, Whopper would.  He's seen me in all my moods and temperaments.  And he would always be there, no matter what, to see me through.  Thank you, my special friend.  Who knows where this one will go, but I know you'll be there through it all.  I love you, Whop.

A rant then CALLBACK !!!

What is going on in my life ?  It's as if I don't exist.  Everything I do seems to be invisible or non-existent.  Even the trivial things.  And it's all just recently. 

It began with my submission for the role of Mary Todd Lincoln in the National Geographic Docudrama "Killing Lincoln".  I had reservations about even submitting myself for this one.  After all, Bill O'Reilly (yes, that Bill O'Reilly - the pompous tool) wrote the book and would be one of the producers.  So I considered it a spiritual test for me.  How could I work with someone I differ from so completely ?  That would be challenging, but a challenge I think I could handle.  Who knows ?  Perhaps over the course of working on the project, we could find mutual ground to help bring us together.  Nice thought.  Anyway, I submitted the standard info, picture/headshot, and filled out a form with specific questions - how tall are you, etc.  I emphasized that I was 5' tall, as Mary Todd was a small woman herself.  And sent it off. That was end of May.  And nothing.  Until July 11th, when I got an URGENT email saying I had to send in a tape of myself doing these specific scenes as Mary Todd and they had to be in to their office by NOON NEXT DAY !!!!  Yikes, found a cameraman, put myself on tape and sent them the link -- and nothing.  What's with this ?  Not even a "thank you" email.  This would be a great opportunity to see if I could keep my differences out of my passion, namely my acting.  I would like to try, but it's as if they don't see me.  What gives ?

-- 3 hours later --

I think just ranting was enough to get something moving because the NOLA project has me on their CALLBACK LIST !!!!  I can't believe it.  I may actually have a shot at a TV show !!! WOW !!!! 

Anticipation

I'm listening to Carly Simon singing "Anticipation".  And that is what I have.  Anticipation for Friday, when I'll see my husband after nearly 3 weeks of separation.

Anticipation, Anticipation
Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting

I can't stand being away from him.  I am lost without him.  I love having him around.  He is the single most perfect person in my life.  What I would do without him...we don't go there. We just love the moments we have together.  I love him. 

And tomorrow we might not be together
I'm no prophet, I don't know natures way
So I'll try to see into your eyes right now
And stay right here, 'cause these are the good old days.


Daytime

This has been one of the most enjoyable days of my life.  It started out with sharing breakfast (coffee and doughnuts)  with 2 wonderful people and then having my pictures taken for a possible submission. 

Well, the submission is going to happen.  It's what happens afterwards that we don't know about.  That's when the casting office takes a look at everything and decides "Hmm, she looks interesting.  Let's meet her."

Wouldn't it be grand if it were that easy.  That simple.  Just "Come on in.  We like you".  But it isn't like that.  At least not for me.  Not yet.  Maybe in the near future people will say "Oh her, yeah.  Let's work with her".  But not yet.  However, I am holding hope to hear back from the folks in New Orleans.  Playing an "Alexis Carrington" type of character would be smashing.  And the gig in Richmond as Mary Todd Lincoln -- no slouch either.  To be Mrs Lincoln.  How could that be bad?  Oh, maybe if I have to deal with the ego of Bill O'Reilly.  If that's part of it, then this truly will be a spiritual test.  Not one of my favorite people.  Oh well.  We'll just have to wait and see.  One way to deal will be to remember that we are all made of the same clay, and that breath brought us all to be.  Keeping that in mind, maybe I'll be able to see past the stupid things he stands for, and try to just see the man.  Good thought.  Let's see if I can do it.  But -- I'd have to get the job first.

Waves

We are one.  We breathe with the Universe.   As I am, so are we all.  We are but waves in this sea of Everything.  We need to remember that.  Wow.  Would my Whopper be pleased that I'm finally getting this.  Something that he tried to teach me all those years ago and I just didn't get.  Thank you my friend for showing me the way.  This so beautiful.  Thank you, dear friend.